99 Problems

Original

 * “99 Problems” by Jay-Z - “If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”. Chorus taken from a single by Ice-T.
 * Pop cover by Hugo - with a different melody and lyrics.

xkcd: Perl Problems
xkcd: Perl problems:

Two figures stand facing each other. One is wearing sunglasses.

Figure with sunglasses: If you&#39;re havin&#39; Perl problems I feel bad for you, son-

Figure with sunglasses: I got 99 problems,

Figure with sunglasses: so I used regular expressions.

Figure with sunglasses: Now I have 100 problems.

Problem (Ariana Grande song)
Problem (Ariana Grande song)


 * "Got one less problem without you."
 * "I've got 99 problems but you won't be one."


 * Cover by Tiffany Alvord and Alex G
 * Cover by Cimorelli
 * Cover by Pentatonix

The Key of Awesome Parody
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-koXQqD0p5s Ariana Grande - Problem ft. Iggy Azalea PARODY! Key Of Awesome #87]

«Well, it's one less paycheck.»

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, I've got 99 verses, but they ain't that good.

Bart Baker Parody
Bart Baker Parody

Summerschool at the NSA

 * Summer Glau and the two guarding soldiers about problem arithemtics:

SGlau: So? How’s life?

Andrew: It sucks.

Daniel: Yes, it sucks.

SGlau: Ninety-nine problems, eh?

Daniel: And a bitch ain’t one? yes!

Andrew: Actually, I have a hundred problems.

SGlau: Ah, a significant other?

Andrew: Yes, and me being a soldier here makes her really bitchy.

SGlau: Nice, what is her name?

Andrew: Her name is Felicia, Ma’am.

SGlau: Nice name.

Andrew: Yes, nice name.

SGlau: I suppose serving here at the NSA is also one of your problems?

Daniel: Hey, this place is at least ninety of my problems.

Andrew: I wish it was less than that for me too. I was actually happier in Afghanistan.

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SGlau: Yes, you are right. I’m here to kick some serious NSA ass (not in the physical sense, of course), and make sure you two have ten and nine problems respectively.

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.

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Daniel: Hey! How about one of us escorting you?

Andrew: Yeah, but who?

Daniel: Andrew, how about you this time?

Andrew: Heh — sure! If only to make my girlfriend jealous.

SGlau: And more bitchy!

Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris/etc. facts

 * “Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.”
 * “Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.”

#perl-cats "In Soviet Russia" Fortune
“I’ve got 99 problems but kent\n ain’t one.”

From IRC
Yes, I’m single - I’ve got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. And yes, I realise that the guy who said that (Jay-Z) now has a 100th problem (a bitch) and a 101st problem (a child).

(See “Jay-Z entry” from the Beyoncé wikipedia.)

(P.S: and now he reportedly has even more problems: a reported affair with his wife's sister, and a rumored divorce).